astrolojii
The astrology roast nobody asked for but everyone needed
Your birth chart has opinions about you. We hired someone to read them out loud.
Not a horoscope. Not spiritual guidance. A chart-specific roast calculated from the exact minute you were born — the kind of thing traditional astrologers are too polite to say. If some of it turns out to be uncomfortably accurate, that's between you and the stars.
Someone else's roast — yours will be worse
“Your Sun in Scorpio means you feel everything intensely and tell absolutely no one. Your chart would like this acknowledged.”
Based on actual chart placements. All receipts provided.
Specific to your birth chartNot your zodiac sign€1.99 · 30 seconds
No calls. No login. No mercy.
“I sent this to my group chat at midnight and nobody slept.” — this will be you.